When was the last time you spent time to truly look in the mirror. I mean, study your face. Look into your eyes. Examine your skin and how things don't quite look as you remember. Did you recognize her? Or was it as if you were meeting a stranger for the first time, and you are prepared to introduce yourself, "Hello, I'm Heather O'Malley. Who are you?" And then at once, like a wave of grief and sorrow and confusion, you realize, you don't know how to answer that question. Who is this person? I could tell you facts about her. I know her name is Heather. I know she is a mom, and a wife, and a teacher, and a writer. I know she is trying to learn to cook, and she works out, and she just recently took up the activity of crossword puzzles. I know she has been a Christian for 13 years, and I know she journals and writes her prayers because it helps her brain process God's voice. I KNOW these things. But do I LOVE these things about her? Do I see the value in these pieces of her that not everyone is made up of? Because recently, when I have looked in the mirror, I will be honest. I see a shell. This shell is weathered, and worn, and cracked, but not necessarily in the sense of forehead wrinkles and gray hairs that weren't there before. I mean in the sense of there are pieces missing out of her. There are little dents and chips that fee like bits that should be there, but there is something missing. This vessel that the Lord is using doesn't feel complete, but I'm not quite sure what those missing pieces are. 

I've been learning some things.

We tell ourselves all the time, "God is faithful. He was faithful then; He will be faithful now." This is so very true, but I think it also is more important, and more helpful to the grievous and weathered heart to remind themselves that, "God was SOVEREIGN then; He will be SOVEREIGN now." I look to the prayer of Habakkuk in chapter 3. Israel has been sent to exile once again, under Babylonian rule, and Habakkuk prays this prayer outlining some of the most detrimental circumstances to certainly match the torment God's people are experiencing. He describes such seemingly insurmountable circumstances that anybody would look around and wonder, God, where are you? Why are you letting this happen? When will you put an end to this? A place that I can admit, even as a Christian of 12 years, I have sunken to losing faith in the moment of tribulation. First things first, when I say I have lost faith, I mean to have lost endurance of my faith. My faith isn't a bucket I fill up on my own or lose some of when it's been expended. Faith is granted to me by the Holy Spirit. However, I can lose endurance of faith. I can be shaken in my faith when the mountain looks too steep, or the waves grow too high. I find a weakness in my faith, possibly where I am trying to be self-reliant, or controlling, or impatient with God's timing, but it is just that, a weakness. Not a ceasing of belief that God is still God. Losing endurance in faith is normal and does not make you a bad Christian. Although, we must stay awake and be aware of the prowling one who will use this opportunity, this falter of firmness, to start us down a path of further unbelief. So, my point being, when you lose endurance, that's okay. But turn to Him who gives us faith by his Holy Spirit, our Helper sent through Jesus's resurrection. Easier said than done, right? Here are some practical ways that I have felt my faith replenished by a power only through Jesus, because I know for a fact, I didn't have the capacity for the kind of faith necessary to carry me through a storm.

The other day, I heard someone say how as a society, we idolize a God-centered relationship over a relationship with God himself. At first, I wasn't sure if this was one of those quotes of like, "I saw this trending on social media and it sounded true", but then I thought some more about it. As Christians, we say want to have God-centered friendships, relationships, marriages, etc. And while those are obviously critical and healthy and good for believers, what is unhealthy is relying on those as our only sort of spiritual sustenance.

Something I have learned since pursuing a more intimate relationship with God, more fully experiencing Him is that experiencing Him means the good and the bad. Feeling the closeness and comfort by his proximity, but also feeling the weight of his discipline through that same proximity. When I was recently working through something difficult, desperate for God's guidance, he gave me a very clear answer which I knew was him, because it was NOT what I wanted to do. So I obeyed at first, then the next day when I had another chance to obey, I did not, and it made a mess of things. That evening, I felt the weight of enemy attack as well as the weight of my Father's discipline, which was heavy and heartbreaking. I felt in that moment, that while this is what I asked for with more deeply experiencing the Lord, I didn't WANT what that came with. I didn't WANT the heaviness and weight that accompanied his proximity. However, I was only able to identify this discipline as a sign of his nearness because I had been in the scriptures. I have read Genesis, and the accounts of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob who had been disciplined by God. I had heard God's rawness in his conversations with Job. This was the God who was loving, yes, but coddling, no. And for once, I was experiencing that. I was feeling Him telling me, "I told you to do better, and so what did you expect when you did not listen?" I've never experienced it before, but I knew this discomfort could only mean one thing, I was moving in the right direction, as painful as it was. 

When did you realize that God loved you?

When your heart has become hardened, and you do not want to read your bible or pray, 

The role of "influencer" has overtaken social media over the last few years. Open up any social media page and you will find the latest cleaning hack, workout plan, DIY project, and self care promotion. Now I have certainly taken advantage of some of these tools and tricks that have crossed my screen because it truly is helpful! However, all good things in moderation, right? What happens when we are constantly bombarded with the latest trends? We fall into a state of comparison. And while this comparison is usually referenced to us women comparing our physical appearances to others, I have also fallen victim to comparing my home to others as well. I see the latest home trends, renovation ideas, and decor influence and can't help but look around and covet what someone else may have in their home. Thankfully, the Lord not only convicted me of this jealousy and discontentment but faithfully DELIVERED me from it. So, I'm here to tell you, sis, your shelves are fine if you don't "restyle them for Spring".

It's been THAT day. One child is screaming because they can't put their shirt on by themselves but refuse help. One child is screaming because they want milk in a different cup. And once you resolve those separate issues, they're screaming at each other. Oh. And it is only 9:30 in the morning. You can't breathe, and honestly you don't even WANT to be mom today at this point. It's then, that both kids run into your bedroom and begin their scrambling ascent to the top of your bed. The bed that you made as soon as you finished your first coffee, bringing order and peace to a small portion of what would be your tumultuous day. The pillows are flung to the floor and the blankets pristinely placed now in disarray. I can already hear the criticism. "Let your kids be kids! They need to explore their environment! They need the outlet of energy! Is it so inconvenient for you to pick up your pillows after they're done playing? Is it that bad if your room is a little messy because your children are thriving in their environment?" And to ALL of the mom peer pressure, I will say...