A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another.
-John 13:34
I'll come right out and say it, God's commands are hard to obey. No matter how much we acknowledge the Lord of Lords as holy, good, and faithful, it can still feel impossible at times to follow His example of pure heartedness. Forgiving those who have betrayed us, giving grace at the risk of it being taken advantage of, serving when it is not reciprocated. God gave us this new commandment in John 13:34 to love others as Christ loved us, and this encompasses all of these actions. But, honestly, HOW?! We know we will face hurt and heartache in this life because humans are involved, but when our value or worth is attacked by another, it's hard to not make it about ourselves. Whether it is a loved one, a friend, a coworker, or even a complete stranger, loving others in Christ's way requires one thing: humility. Judas had already accepted in his heart to betray Jesus and has left Jesus and the others, and as Jesus is sitting with his disciples when he knows his time has come to an end, he emphasizes one more point. In what I imagine is an, "Okay, I have only this much time left with these guys before I go, what is the one thing that I really need to drive home and make sure they get?" kind of moment, Jesus reiterates for his inner circle this commandment, to love one another as He had loved them. I think that as followers of Christ with human hearts, we must acknowledge the significance of this commandment, and also the simplicity of it.
"By this all people will know that you are my disciples,
if you have love for one another." -John 13:35
Jesus tells us in John 13:35 that people will know they are His followers by their love for one another. Not by how much scripture you can recite, how many followers you gain preaching his name on social media, or how much rank you have in your community for your service and ministry. Simply loving others well. You would think we would see God's kingdom flourishing and thriving, because it doesn't sound like He's asking much. But again, we're human, and the humility this takes gets shoved to the side by pride put on when we are hurt. Our response to this hurt is critical to looking putting on this kind of humility. On the other side of hurt, we can develop either a hardened heart, or a guarded heart. One welcomes the Lord to work, the other quenches the spirit.
There are so may misconceptions about forgiveness. But we have to examine these worldly definitions and hold them up to how God's word defines forgiveness. God tells us repeatedly that we are to forgive others as God has forgiven us. Romans 8:1 tells us that "there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus". This butts heads HARD with our sinful self- righteousness and pride that creates an internal dialogue of "I am going to make them pay for how they wronged me, because I want to see them experience the justice they deserve." But WOW is that farther than the truth of what we are called to. If we are to forgive others as we are forgiven, this means the other person no longer owes any payment for the sin they committed. We essentially say, the debt has been paid, and you don't owe me anything at this point. Just as Jesus paid the price that we no longer are responsible for, we offer that same compassion and forgiveness to others. However, this does not mean that we lay down and become a doormat to mistreatment. "Forgive and forget" is not a biblical truth. By forgiving someone of their sin against you, you are simply handing over control of the situation to the Lord for him to deliver judgement as only He can do. You step back and give God the room that He requires to be a just Father to His child in ways we never could. This may also mean that you set up boundaries where necessary. Forgiveness does not mean that the relationship is stored, or that the hurt is even remotely healed. Forgiveness is between you and the Lord, to give up the right we think we deserve to judge someone and punish them for their wrongdoing, and to accept the peace that transcends all understanding by completely surrendering to the ultimate Judge.
When we hold onto this worldly idea that it is our right and responsibility to punish those who wrong us, we think we are helping ourselves heal, but we are only hardening our hearts. The bitterness and resentment that this leads to allows no room for God to move in His sovereign and wise ways. We harden our hearts and assume control over a situation that God never intended to be ours, because not only do we not know the other person's heart as intimately as God does, but He doesn't want us to be burdened by the heaviness of unforgiveness. He cares about what you care about, and He cares about what hurts you. He will fight for you on your behalf, if only you step back to let Him. Exodus 14:14 reminds us "The Lord will fight for you, and you only have to be silent". Hardening our hearts can also become a faith issue. When we retain control, we are essentially telling God, I don't trust you enough to handle this the way the way I think it should. Well, there is an entire history of God's people proving that we in fact do NOT know better than Him. So, rather than hardening our heart, we move forward with a guarded heart.
When we believe the world that says it's our right to punish those who wrong us,
we are hardening our hearts, not helping ourselves heal.
This not only allows us the space to heal within the boundaries we need for ourselves, but it gives God the room to do His part. This isn't just a one and done decision though. You may have to choose to forgive every new day, or even multiple times a day. It's not going to be easy, actually it's extremely difficult. Just another part of ourselves we have to die to, and frequently. But to be able to step back from the situation knowing that the Lord of Hosts who commands heaven's armies is defending you, while you rest in the comfort that the same God who defeated a giant with a stone and sling will not let you go on defeated.
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