Own Your One Percent

When was the last time you received a swift knock down to humility?

There is a book by Stormi Omartian called The Power of a Praying Wife, and if you are currently or are transitioning to a wife's role, I encourage you to add this to your spiritual warfare toolbox. It was recommended by a trustworthy and God- fearing friend of mine during a season of enemy attack. In our early years of marriage, and even still today, my husband and I are continuously practicing and learning how to effectively, respectfully, and biblically honor each other and love one another in communication, particularly amidst conflict. Now, I will admit, I have to try very hard to demonstrate loving conflict resolution. As a child and teenager, I adopted the idea that when you are angry or hurt, you remove love from the offender and punish them with silence and discomfort. Unfortunately, I have carried this behavior into my adulthood, and subsequently, into my marriage. And it goes without saying that it is neither peace making nor biblical. Even still, it is detrimentally easy to exalt myself to a self-righteous place without first acknowledging the speck in my own eye. So with that prefaced, let's jump to how I honestly thought this book would go.

I peruse the Table of Contents until I notice a title that matches where I feel my husband is in the wrong, or where I want to see change. And let me explain why this is my first mistake. Not for one moment did I ask the Holy Spirit to give me eyes to see and ears to hear what He wanted to say. I wasn't seeking His good guidance, I was seeking fleshly affirmation. Moving on, after I find what I feel is his "area that needs work", I am ready to follow the guided prayer and ask God for what I think my husband needs. Can you guess where this is going? Exactly. I'm astonished and a tad offended that part of this prayer has to do with ME and where I may need heart change. I'm sorry, I thought I was reading this because my HUSBAND needs prayer. But I forgot, as my pastor likes to say, where there are two people and two mouths, there is likely to be trouble. So now I am cornered and forced to reflect on MY part: the tone I use during conflict, failing to express compassion or understanding, and letting my hurt blind me from seeing his. So here I am, now humbled to an apologetic attitude. Where do I go from here?

One thing I have learned in almost three years of marriage is that you can be right and wrong at the same time. Sometimes, my husband has a more valid point in a discussion, and vice versa. However, as right as we may be, if we are not communicating our point with gentleness and compassion for the other, then nothing fruitful will come. What could have been healthy conversation where husband and wife emerge victorious hand in hand turns into a competition. I could say that in this competition to win the argument, there is no true victor because the only fruit to show for it is tension and hurt. But that wouldn't be true. When husband and wife forget they are on the same team, there is a winner, and his name is Satan. It can seem impossible in the heat of the moment to remember this truth. As steam billows from my ears, there's not much room left to hear God's voice. Even though I may not have handled the conversation as I know I should have, how the Word tells me I should have, I remember one quote that has never failed to redirect my heart and posture it for resolution. I pray that you take these words to heart and memory, because they have never failed us yet.

"If you are wrong even 1%, apologize for that 1%.".

It does not matter the strength of the point you are trying to make if you do not approach it with gentleness. If you come out of the corner swinging and abrasive, everything you have to say will fall on deaf, defensive ears. Once I shifted my perspective and started to hold myself up to a Jesus mirror, He gave me eyes to see just where I had let my flesh take over. And once I was aware, now we could move forward and actually get somewhere.

If you are wrong even 1%,

apologize for that 1%.

Eventually, the walking on eggshells would have to come to an end, and standing in that space, I saw two things happen when I would apologize for that one percent. First, it caused the conversation to slow down from a raging boil, because now the tone had shifted drastically. Humility had entered the conversation where there was only self-righteousness, and that shook things up all kinds of ways. Second, it opened the door for reflection from both sides. When we see that the other is no longer in attack mode, we feel comfortable laying down our weapons. God reminds us all throughout scripture what massive movement He can do with the smallest of an offering. When we are willing to lay ourselves down to the smallest one percent, He will do magnificent healing works.